Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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