her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
