You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
