Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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