No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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