Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
