So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
