you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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