Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
