Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
