Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
