there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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