If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
