mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
two words...techno handjob
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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