I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
