Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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