our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
