I just cut my nipple shaving
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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