Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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