I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
