Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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