Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
