they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
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