I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
