and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
