that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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