I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
