we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
