She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
