3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
