Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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