You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
