so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize