I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
