I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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