She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
