Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
