I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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