I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
