On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
