So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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