Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
