dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
