I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to have your abortion
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
