hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
