So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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