you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
