you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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