Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
