I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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