Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
