why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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