If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
