Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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