I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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