dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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