it wasn't lemon gatorade
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
