Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
