Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
