i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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