oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
