Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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