12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
