I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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