when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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