And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
