you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
