Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
