I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
