You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
