That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
