I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
