so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
