you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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