So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
