I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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