i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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