dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
