its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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