Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
