I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
