First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
