Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's the barista slut.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
