so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize