I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
