You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
