I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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