I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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