New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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