is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
