doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize