I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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